Thursday, May 7, 2015

I AM NOT Egotistical, or So I Tell Myself

Most of the time I think of myself as not having much of an ego. At least that is what I tell myself. I have always assumed someone with a large ego, was someone who thought only of themselves.

I have been rereading, Eckhart Tolle's book, The New Earth. There is a section in about how complaining, resentment and grievances feed the ego. Something I have been doing a lot of over the past few years.

In one paragraph it says, "And what is a grievance? The baggage of old thoughts and emotions."

I have found that as I get older, I don't forgive (or forget) as easily as I did when I was younger. I tend to hold onto my grudges a lot longer. I find I have no patience or tolerance for certain situations, or certain people. I blamed my grudge-holding on a series of events that have I gone through, mostly by the actions of others, or perceived actions of others. I was also blaming it on menopause (and still might), but according to Mr. Tolle, maybe I should blame it on my ego?

If I am reading this book correctly, my ego must be a bit large, no wonder it is such a nuisance. It has also become a hindrance to how I live my life, more importantly – how I feel about myself, and my life.

One thing I have found frustrating while reading this book is – he doesn't really tell you 'how' to deal with the ego. He gives a lot of examples of what the ego enjoys and lives off of, but not how to control or deny it. At least, not in a way that I can comprehend.

Am I egotistical? I suppose it someways the answer to that question is - Yes. But, then aren't we all?

Maybe once I get through menopause I can let go of those 'old' grievances and therefore deny my ego its supper? At least that is what I tell myself...

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