Daddy’s Little Girl
My greatest wish as a child was to be daddy’s little girl, only my parents divorced when I was around one and my dad moved on. I’d ask my mom questions about him, only to be told not to. As a child, I felt sad that he never called, never sent a birthday card or Christmas presents. When I was much older I was hurt that I wasn’t even worth child support.
I married young and had a child shortly thereafter. Out of the blue, my dad contacted me, he wanted to see me and meet his grandson. My first response was to tell him no. After all, he didn’t deserve it. But curiosity got the better of me and here was chance to meet my dad without any interference or discouragement from my mother. The meeting went fine and he didn’t seem at all like the selfish bastard my mother referred to.
He introduced me to his family; a wife and two kids. He also introduced me to his side of the family; cousins, aunts and uncles. We started to bond, yet there was still a reserved wall between us. His doing or mine, I was never sure?
Like any relationship that is new, the honeymoon phase went pretty well, but then it aged and changed, and so did we. We drifted apart, slowly at first. I started to notice little nuances that suggested the rift in our relationship, but I chose to ignore it.
Then one day, when I needed him most, the rift widened and he was too far on the other side for me to reach. I felt anger and pain. What I really felt was abandoned. He had left me, again. Only this time, I was old enough to know it.
I will never be Daddy’s Little Girl and I have decided it is his loss, not mine.